use plan b

déjà déjà vu

2011-04-06T18:32:00.004-07:00

I sleep in the movie theatre. It's not intentional, it must be the light or something, or uncertainty about my new career, but no matter what I wake up at 8.30. Last night I got to bed at around 4.30, and sure enough at 8.30 I was awake.There's a documentary film festival going on, so some movies are good for sleeping. The chairs are comfortable enough, I take off my shoes and snuggle into the

My liver has its own bookmark folder

2010-04-26T18:54:00.015-07:00

I'm ear-high in milk thistle tea and kale. Delicious.One of the things the websites say to do is "eat less" and I get the point but if I eat less, I might lose more weight. My mother, however, has commanded me not to lose more weight. I think I have to eat whole avocados at intervals throughout the day.One day some time ago I went to an accupuncturist M_____'s mother's sister-in-law recommended.

SMSes I love

2009-07-10T07:08:00.000-07:00

I got a new phone so I am erasing all those messages I like to have with me in case I end up bored on the subway.-> J: You may be happy to know that the bus was hell on earth this afternoon. In fact, i'm still on it! Thank god i slept through a lot of it. Enjoy the weekend!-> M: AAARGHHH!!! I just shot a whole roll and there was nothing in the camera.-> D: Guggenheim is better when you're drunk!

I want to be released

2008-11-23T22:44:00.003-08:00

I am going through my records and generally organizing my life. I'm finding all sorts of emails that I never replied to, but genuinely wanted to. Now it has been years. Am I allowed to delete them? Or will they continue to sit in my inbox? They are markings of my shame.I want to be released from this one-sided covenant.(I just erased one. It's a start)

Psycho SMS

2008-07-10T06:17:00.003-07:00

This is a series of hi-larious text message exchanges with the evil "contractor", aka "artist" whom I hired to do some construction in my house... which he fucked up beyond belief.This SMS I received after I told him to get his tools and materials and leave, because the house was uninhabitable and I was not about to pay him for wrecking it."It cost me over 400 dollars yesterday to start your job.

When things go badly

2008-05-22T15:07:00.006-07:00

Let's just get the major ones out of the way: I have an annoying houseguest. I have construction going on in my house. I'm battling with the Department of Sanitation. Really, this is not a good time.All those things I am willing to get over. It's the minor ones that start to really drive me insane:This morning, I forgot my lunch. I not only forgot it, but I left it out to spoil on the

Mixed salad

2008-04-18T14:00:00.002-07:00

I dreamt that I was trying to communicate in three languages, all of which I don't really know well enough. The problem is that I am actively learning one, and when I try to speak in either French or Hebrew, it comes out in Spanish. I guess this is positive, because it means my Spanish is improving.It took me a while to realise that it was a dream. I kept trying to remember whom I was speaking to

Knit ad nauseum

2008-04-06T06:18:00.006-07:00

Knit ad nauseum -- this was a note I found at the bottom of a knitting pattern.Anyway, I used to live on a little island that was devoid of culture and mostly devoid of normal people. That, or maybe it was just me, which I will not rule out. I spent my time there eating pastizi, which are delicious peas-filled pastries, and getting stupid. Then there was the whole trip to the "satan worshipping"

Cultured

2008-04-04T10:26:00.002-08:00

My week has been a sacrifice to work. Every day, after I finally leave the office in the late hours of the night, I go home and drill a variety of surfaces. Metal? Particle board? Wood? Check, all three. When my hands aren't covered in paint, they are covered in bicycle grease.Obviously, the antidote is "culture weekend".Let the fun, I mean "culture", begin.

me speak Spanish one day

2008-04-02T09:44:00.001-08:00

It should be enough that my Spanish is bad, but when I try to put it through google translate to check for errors, it becomes laughably bad... English.This is not the sort of encouragement I desire. It takes me a damn long time to write this shit!For example:"I feel that my life, my house, everything is a mess... But I think that all will be well soon. Well, I hope :) At least, the weather

unbalanced

2008-04-01T18:56:00.003-08:00

Today I put an earring into my other ear and looked in the mirror. I looked into the mirror for a long time because I've never had both ears pierced until recently, and never had the same earrings in both of them until today.I think they're off balance and if they are, that makes me sad.When I feel like this, I turn to facebook. Either that, or youtube. Right now, Mel C is cheering me

Good things happen when you clean

2008-03-30T06:16:00.001-08:00

I was cleaning my house and found a postcard. It was from a place I was at in 1997, and addressed to a girl I met the year before in Israel. There was even a stamp, but I hadn't sent it.I remember one day we were 16 or 17 and hanging around in Tel Aviv. We went into a bar in the middle of the afternoon to get a drink, just because it was one of those idiotic things you couldn't do in the states.

sms three

2008-03-13T17:33:00.001-08:00

Texting is NOT a waste of time. Just look below!<- E: "No joke, the people at the bar are talking about d. a."-> E: "Ew. You did NOT just text me his name!"-> E: "Fun! Weather's crap; company's great, free booze sucks."-> M: "Look right. We had a bet you wouldn't be here : )"<- T: "M. called. but I don't have her number or T's number. she thinks I'm dead."<- R: "Iguanas ranas: that means the same

iRead, iWrite, iPuke

2008-02-20T20:23:00.003-08:00

I got email from iRead the other day. iRead, the facebook application you install to keep track of the books you are reading, have read, and want to read.iRead emailed me to ask why i haven't finished a book yet. Aparently, it's been sitting in my "reading" box a little too long. The email went something along the lines of: "Are you done with this book? Did you just forget to rate it on iRead?"I

My multiple choice life

2008-02-13T09:53:00.001-08:00

I decided that now that the stock market has crashed, it would be a good time to check up on my investments. Unfortunately, I had forgotten the password for not one but TWO websites. I spent a long time on the phone with customer service that day.That wasn't the weird part; no, it is almost normal for my coworkers to hear me imparting my Social Security Number upon someone with an Indian accent

sms you too!

2008-01-02T09:21:00.003-08:00

more SMSes that I don't want to part with:<- T: "Yes it's a sacrifice to the gods of warmth and water!"<- T: "I can bear weight now!"<- M: "Very shitty indeed! But not the end of the world. Just another dead end... blah!"-> M: "Met fun, engaging & attractive Spaniard. Doesn't speak english! Spent 1/2 the day speaking spanish, a language I don't know. Am learning."<- M: "Drinking like any Homo

Hysterical

2007-12-28T08:42:00.000-08:00

I was on the first flight and it was going all right. The movie on the screen was Unaccompanied Minors, so it really could have been worse. The trouble started when the stewardess came through with the drinks service and spilled Diet Pepsi all over my jacket sleeve. I didn't mind too much. We are on a plane after all, and items shift in the server's hands like they do in those overhead

New kid

2007-12-06T21:58:00.000-08:00

"Are you new?"A bike messenger who looked a little out of it asked me that the other day, when I stopped by a patisserie on W4th street.I was pretty sure I knew what he meant, but I couldn't possibly understand his logic, so said, "new?"Then there was the whole "are you a messenger?" "no I am not" exchange. The guy kept moving away and then towards me when he thought of something else to converse

It's lonely over here

2007-10-21T21:16:00.000-07:00

Aparently, on jdate, you cannot instant message yourself. This is really too damn bad, because it seems that's the only way I'll be able to talk to someone normal.If you know me, that really turned out to be a hysterical sentence!

jdate offensive continues

2007-10-18T19:10:00.000-07:00

I thought it'd be different. Unfortunately, jdate is a downer. I write people all sorts of witticisms and no one responds. Maybe my humour is too high-brow for them.Another instant messenger exchange:LoveBuzz333: shello?myusername: hiLoveBuzz333: hi - don't mean to bug you - you look nice...LoveBuzz333: what are u up to??myusername: hey, not much... just trying to sort out what to do tonight

Is this jdate thing for real?

2007-10-16T23:04:00.000-07:00

I recently bit the proverbial bullet (did I really just type that???) and joined jdate. My god. What was I thinking? This is a conversation I had with someone who instant messaged me on the site. I should have quit after the first grammatical error. If you ask me, apostrophes are crucial to the English language.mike154877: hi myusername: himike154877: hows it going?myusername: not bad... it's

if there is a surface, I will cut myself on it

2007-09-19T15:33:00.000-07:00

Paper cuts. Yes, that's old news.My question is, who cuts themselves on cardboard, glass, steel?I have cut myself on every surface imaginable. Yes, even mirror. No, I did not break said mirror.The problem with all these cuts is that it hurts, and continues to hurt whenever I wash the dishes, change a flat tire, or whatever it is people do in normal day life.Wearing latex gloves seems to be out of

out of the k-hole

2007-08-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I fell into a k-hole. No, not from special k, but from programming. I don't want to talk about it, since I'm out now, but it wasn't pretty.This morning, I went to get my bicycle and saw my chain, the one that "walked away" from the pole where I usually leave it, on the one day that I didn't lock it down. Said chain was wrapped around the back wheel and frame of a bicycle around that

the little things

2007-08-01T20:53:00.000-07:00

Life is full of surprises: today, I found a spoon in my box of salt.I know how it got there, too, but that's really not the point.Then, I almost sat down at my desk, on the space where my chair usually is, even though I moved the chair into the kitchen to reach the box of salt, which is high on the self.It would have also been surprising to land on the floor.

Rejection lines for all types of situations

2007-07-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

Let's face it, getting rejected sucks. However, if you're the one who's doing the rejecting, here are a few ideas of how to break it off gently (or not).IF YOU'VE JUST MET"Sorry, I don't give out my number""You don't want to get involved with me, trust me""You're not my type""I have a boyfriend"IF YOU'VE HAD ONE DATE"Thank you for the drink. You seem like a nice guy, but I don't see this going

i have at least 2 great ideas a day

2007-07-21T21:28:00.004-07:00

My friend Someone I know taught me an invaluable phrase today. It goes: "I don't see this going anywhere". This is going to come in handy for all those marriage offers. I feel ready to write a guide now. In fact, that was my other idea. I'm going to write a self-help guide, but it will be revolutionary because the whole guide will be written by YOU, so that you help YOURSELF while you write it!

sms you

2007-07-09T11:17:00.000-07:00

in interest of conserving space on my mobile phone, I will regurgitate all our clever sms-witicisms here:<- A: "You are so wonderfully weird."-> A: "I mean, i don't even properly believe in god. I think i'm an animist!"<- A: "I'm waiting in the security line with a little girl named lily and her 17 month old younger quintuplet sisters. yowzers. Each has a 'monkey on my back' body harness and is

everything has a price

2007-06-28T15:13:00.001-07:00

Today I went to the bike shop to fix something with my bike. The guy quoted me a price and said he'll do it while I wait. About 30 seconds later has this proposal: "Instead of that, how about I do it for two tall Budweisers?" Aha! The bartering system! I am very familiar with that. I did just come back from the 3rd world, after all.It was a great deal for both of us.

welcome back to new york

2007-06-27T14:44:00.000-07:00

There is something special about coming back to New York after travelling for a while. Last time I was gone for a significant period of time, I flew into Newark with $5 in my pocket and an empty stomach. I calculated bus fare and went to one of those overpriced airport delis."What can I get for 3 dollars and 50 cents?" I asked the guys. I was used to London attitudes. To my complete suprise, they

Turkish advertising

2007-05-26T06:43:00.001-07:00

We saw some great promotional posters. You have to imagine a picture for each one, because I don't remember exactly, but you will probably get it right:"You call it therapy, we call it country""You call it wonder, we call it nature""You call it ancient, we call it still standing""You call it labour, we call it love""You call it history, we call it yesterday"In other news...Nails broken on

my life is one big to do list

2007-05-12T08:28:00.000-07:00

My life is totally sucking right now. I have been working for 26 days straight. I will most likely continue to work until I hit 30, at which point I am going on vacation for a month!I CANNOT WAIT.There must be some humour in the situation, but honestly I just don't see it at this point in time.Now I'm going to take a break and browse the street fair around the corner. Wheeeee!

the last few were weird, too

2007-05-03T03:41:00.000-07:00

I have been having some strange dreams lately, and last night's was definitely up there. I dreamt I was in jail, but it wasn't so bad, really. You could order lots of books from the New York Public Library, and watch videos on their website. Another nice detail was that we were all growing these very pretty plants that had blue flowers-berries on them. I know this doesn't really exist, but it did

Jesus died for my laundry

2007-04-08T14:38:00.000-07:00

I got my laundry together and dragged it down the stairs. There was a lot of it, but I didn't mind because I was going to a new laundromat -- one that is only two blocks from my house!As I walked into the place, I made eye contact with one of the employees. "Self service?" I asked, hoping that nothing would be lost in translation. In a mix of words, hand gestures, pointing and the clock, they

my home theatre is a threat

2007-03-29T07:43:00.000-08:00

It would have made a good story, but ultimately, I did not have to put a magnet on the end of a high powered drill and move it around in front of my magnetised (new(!) giant(!)) television.That is because newer models of CRT televisions have an automatic degauss built in. I learned all about it last night.Another thing I learned is that I shouldn't put a subwoofer next to a CRT television.This is

throwing things is fun

2007-03-27T05:13:00.000-08:00

I just threw a CD out the window.It floated through the air, frisbee-like, towards the building opposite. Then it hit the bricks just to the left of the fire escape, broke into two pieces, and fell to the ground.If you don't recall, I live on the 6th floor.It was a K-pop CD I found once, somewhere, a long time ago. But that's not important.What is important is that I finally listened to it and it

my brain is mush

2007-03-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

I've been on a natural high (off and on) for about two days now. I keep seeing things that aren't there and laughing at things that, under normal circumstances, shouldn't be funny. The only exception was when we went into a deli after walking around in circles for close to an hour and stood around deciding what to get. D wanted soup, and, my motor skills dulled by exhaustion, I responded like a

baggage

2007-03-22T13:10:00.000-08:00

I found an arsenal of old documents. I spent half the time reading them with a pained expression on my face. First off, I refuse to write another scholarship request. I will not compose another letter asking for financial aid, outlining the hardships faced by my family in a user-friendly bullet point format... that is, until it's my kids' turn to go to university. At that time, they can do it. I

the author updates her resume

2007-03-15T16:51:00.000-08:00

Minute-by-minute account (with intermittent AIM conversations), because that is what blogs are for, anyway."Please give me a synonym for 'work' or 'worked'."thesaurus.com"What about 'high traffic'?"Possible contenders:* heavy volume* popular* large scale"I just said popular. I don't really care. I don't want more work."Is latency even a word, and if so, what does it really mean? Wikipedia...How

miracles happen. to me.

2007-02-26T19:57:00.000-08:00

I was going to write about requesting DVDs at the library, but then a small miracle happened. By mistake, I clicked on a link with the broken mouse button, and it actually clicked through!This is a miracle because some water spilled on my keyboard a while ago, and it disabled one of the trackpad click buttons -- the left one, to be exact. The one that you might use for just about everything (

it is nice, but not always possible, to blame stupidity on something

2007-02-03T17:55:00.000-08:00

I ran down the stairs, threw out my trash, and cheerily walked out of my building to my bicycle, parked across the street. Then I reached for my key. Wait a second... it wasn't there. I had consciously put it in the other pocket so as to segregate it from my house keys, and it wasn't there at all. In fact, it wasn't in either pocket, nor in my bag.Damn. I figured it was upstairs so I (not so

a great idea that will bring you million$$$!

2007-02-01T20:20:00.000-08:00

Aparently I am a scofflaw. Look it up! I didn't know what it meant, but now I am wiser. Yes, it is true.I got a brilliant idea today. It was so good I couldn't even verbalise it properly, because I was laughing too hard. Okay. You have a meeting with some people who are high up in the company. The only thing they ask of you is the status of your part of the project. It gets pretty tedious. You're

e.e. cummings wrote a poem; i write a post

2007-01-19T04:04:00.001-08:00

How to cure loneliness in three easy steps:1) Spend a few hours with people you have absolutely nothing to say to. Try to make the setting awkward, but not unbearable. The goal is to tolerate it without getting out a sharp object for mutilation of self or others.2) Suddenly feel a strong desire to be alone.3) Hope it lasts.

everyone's a critic

2007-01-10T08:31:00.000-08:00

I'm wearing my picnic tablecloth trousers today. They are the ones that look like you bought a tablecloth in preparation for a picnic, and decided to make trousers out of it. They're checkered green and white and a lot of people comment on them.The gay segment of our "Indian or gay" work population adores them.The only problem with my green and white trousers is that they clash with my pink and

I need to buy batteries

2007-01-09T07:41:00.000-08:00

I had a weird dream last night. I was in a pharmacy, trying to buy batteries for the blinky light I have mounted on my bicycle, which is practically dead. The woman behind the counter was looking for the right batteries and when she finally found them, I told her I'd take two sets. Then she said, "twenty pounds please." First of all, I didn't realise I was in England, and second of all, since

village laundry

2007-01-07T17:40:00.000-08:00

I went to do laundry and it was a little on the late side. The sign said "last wash at 8" and it was 7.59 when I walked down the steps. I particularly dislike this laundromat, but it's the closest. If I start avoiding it, the loss of business for them will be outweighed only by the inconvenience to me.After I flipped the laundry and went back to my house to wait out the 55 or whatever minutes it

i would be rich!

2006-12-04T13:17:00.000-08:00

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me if I am an "artist" or work in the arts, I would have the dough to go to art school.I don't know what this means, exactly, but it's probably not a bad thing... unless some strange man at the Whitney is trying to ask me out. Said strange man was on the unpleasant side of eccentric.Maybe I just exude that "I am broke" vibe and he wanted to treat me

the art of saying thank you

2006-11-20T07:12:00.000-08:00

Bike messenger, riding up to me:"you're so pretty! I know you don't date black guys, but... you just have a nice day."Me:"thank you. You too."I think I've mastered it.

new york is bad for you

2006-11-12T20:57:00.000-08:00

I don't know why this has gotten personal lately.Usually I don't write anything here unless I want to call up my friend in Los Angeles and announce, "guess what happened to me!"This has been a point of contention between us. She says that things don't happen to me. She claims that I am an active pursuer of these strange occurrances. I beg to differ.Anyway, nothing strange happened to me today. Oh

2006-11-10T16:01:00.000-08:00

When I was about 17, I worked for this firm. The people were all right but most were what we might now refer to as "adults". It was pretty fun for me, though, and then there was Jen. She was what we might now refer to as "someone who hasn't grown up yet".(Yes, kind of like most of us.)That was okay, though, because Jen was 26. I remember thinking how old that seemed.Jen one day told me that she

so strange

2006-11-09T21:46:00.000-08:00

This evening has been so weird that all I can do is sit in front of the computer and eat ice cream.

lightbulb

2006-11-04T07:06:00.000-08:00

What does it take to screw in a lightbulb?Since the ladder is missing, it takes, in order, from floor to ceiling:an ikea chaira pastic milk cratea typewriterIt also takes a lot of balance.

Still scared

2006-11-02T20:02:00.000-08:00

I was terrified of toilets. It must have stemmed from having to use an outhouse on the dacha we rented. The fear was so prevalent that I encountered it in my dreams, or more accurately, my nightmares. It wasn't just toilets. It was bathrooms in general. They appeared to me as dark, dank, neglected spaces, an inch of murky water covering the slimy floor tiles and a permanently overflowing sink.(As

my williamsburgh bridge

2006-11-01T21:23:00.000-08:00

I used to live in the borough of Brooklyn. Every day, I would ride over the Williamsburgh Bridge. It was such a pain, literally... my poor aching knees and soul.Then I moved to the other side of the river. How excited was I about the prospect of not going over that damn bridge every day, twice a day? Rhetorical question. I was overjoyed.But I moved to a six floor walkup. Now, instead of going

unexpected

2006-10-22T18:43:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you won't believe me, but it's true: I went to Trader Joe's and was in and out in 15 minutes. I'm referring to the Trader Joe's on 14th street. The one that looked like a Soviet-era supermarket for weeks after it opened, because each day, people were buying up everything in stock.Yes, I actually did buy food. No, I didn't have anyone queueing in line for me. Usually my Trader Joe's

the FN scale

2006-10-17T20:01:00.000-07:00

It seems that I know too many people who are, for lack of better words, totally fucked up. In order to better classify them, I present the Fucking Nuts Scale: 1 :: normal in the field of human relations 2 :: a little eccentric (like maybe you or me... right?) 3 :: sometimes you don't know where he is coming from 4 :: habitually "loses it" 5 :: has lapses of reason 6 :: has serious lapses of

muriatic acid

2006-09-28T12:52:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to remove paint from brick and it's a neverending, exausting, and overall frustrating process. A friend recommended this substance called muriatic acid, so I looked it up. Aparently it is so strong that its vapours can contaminate the metal around it, it will blind you, burn you, and seriously fuck you up.My favourite line from a page detailing its use: "Over a period of years, gaseous

Beautiful Spot

2006-09-21T08:34:00.000-07:00

I've temporarily got a car. I park it on the street. I've been reading a book called Tepper Isn't Going Out, which is fictional account of a guy who parks his car a lot in New York City. There is this magazine in the book -- a parking magazine -- and it's called Beautiful Spot. What a marvelous name for a parking magazine! I think I'm going to start noting the beautiful spots I find around town.

cycling in new york

2006-08-11T12:24:00.000-07:00

Why is it that people have been literally throwing themselves in front of me as I bike down the street? I'm not even talking about when I have a red light. I respect the pedestrian... most of the time. I'm talking about flying down 7th avenue (which might suck even more than 6th. I haven't made up my mind), trying to make all the lights, watching out for taxis stopping on both sides of the street

the demise of the darkroom

2006-04-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

Today was depressing. I learned that the art of real, non-digital photography, the kind with chemicals and enlargers and filters, is disappearing. I went to the professional place I was using a couple of years ago. After walking into the space, I immediately noticed that the area where people used to dry their prints was a constuction zone. The guy working confirmed my fear: the space has been

Some dream of supermarkets; others...

2005-11-22T05:11:00.000-08:00

In my dream, I have to go to a gathering on the beach. It's sort of a bohemian party, and my bike is broken, so I am dreading going. It's in San Francisco, or somewhere like that. Lots of hills. Anyway, I am walking to my bike, having decided that this is really the best way for me to get there, even though it's being problematic. Then I run into my old friend, Charles Bukowski. So I'm like, "

Craigslist follies

2005-10-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

I love craigslist. Yes, it caused us a lot of traumatic experiences with the psycho bitch crazy roommate, but I still think it's a great service. No complaints from me. Oh wait, I forgot that whenever you post something in the STRICTLY PLATONIC section, your inbox quickly fills with propositions.My friend moved a while ago and gave me a hotplate he no longer wanted. It was brand new, and I wanted

teatime conversation

2005-06-13T16:05:00.000-07:00

I like tea. i especially like maté.tea is for suckersi just love one-sided conversations about tea.let's have a tea party.who will bring the tea-set?the invisible friends, of course.what a stupid question.who does she think she is, anyway?!who cares, i am really into this conversation.(smiley face) are we there yet? (devil face)hello! there is a ban on emotional icons in this forum. didn't you

white on white

2005-05-20T08:47:00.000-07:00

I work in a famous office building. Each day, girls come through the revolving doors in throngs, dressed in the heighth of fasion. Flowing rose-petal-coloured afternoon wedding dresses accessorised with pearls stand next to sharp lime green business suits in line at the cafeteria. Everyone male is gay. It is disturbing. They even wave their hand in a detached manner, one flowing motion from wrist

summer plans

2005-05-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

What IS a summer without a holiday in Europe? I ask you.

conundrum

2005-04-26T08:20:00.000-07:00

If a hipster says something cool, and no one is there to hear it, was it really cool?

what I saw in san francisco: April 12

2005-04-12T23:01:00.000-07:00

The Capp Street Annual Baobab Tree Shearing Contest!Many hours later:I'm walking on Capp Street when a barely smoked, still lit cigarette falls down from somewhere in the sky, missing my head by about a foot.

what I saw in san francisco: April 10

2005-04-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

A woman, oviously a crack whore, walking down the street at 8.45 am in a miniskirt, sporting a full cast on one leg.

what I saw in san francisco: April 9

2005-04-09T23:01:00.000-07:00

A christmas-themed gingerbread house, mostly intact, lying on the back alleyway next to the original cellaphane packaging.An hour later:The christmas-themed gingerbread house, broken into a lot of pieces.

what I saw in san francisco: April 8

2005-04-08T23:01:00.000-07:00

Rain. Lots of it.After it cleared up:A guy trying to break into a car with a coat-hanger, and a woman smoking nonchalantly next to him.

what I saw in san francisco: April 7

2005-04-07T23:01:00.000-07:00

A dark haired bum with a 40 tries to punch a white-haired bum with a shopping cart. After the white-haired bum dodges the punch, the dark-haired bum throws the 40 at the other bum, which breaks with a loud crash, sending beer and glass shards into the street.20 minutes later:Two nude girls atop two horses being led by two nude men down Mission.

what I saw in san francisco: April 6

2005-04-06T23:01:00.000-07:00

A hip girl and a possibly hip gay guy are coming out of the 16th and Mission BART station. He is lamenting: "The worst thing about homeless people and crack... well, there's many things... but they always leave shit on your stairs."a few hours later:The brilliant Dr. Hal. He's kind of like Dr. Robert (from the Beatles' song: "He helps you to understand") except he answers questions. You give him

we should start a trend

2005-04-04T16:05:00.000-07:00

I love my new "modus operandi". I just love it. I revel in my love for it every time I send a work-related email, which is fairly frequently.What could possibly make me so happy, you might ask. I stopped signing emails with that universal sign of business politeness, "thanks". I don't do it out of disrespect. I do it out of a desire to eradicate the monotony and complacency so prevalent in our

it just keeps getting weirder

2005-03-25T07:07:00.000-08:00

Two humourous things occurred today.Firstly, I am reading "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves", and I highly recommend it to anyone who has fond relationship with grammar and punctuation. It makes me laugh out loud. I don't know if this constitutes a humorous thing that occurred, but that brings us to the second thing:Secondly, I was taking the bus and noticed a guy in the back telling a rambling story to

my 'hood

2005-03-18T12:46:00.000-08:00

I met my friend's girlfriend.We intersected paths at the street corner, exchanged pleasantries:-- Hi, it's nice to meet you. -- Nice to meet you, too.They were going to dinner and we were going to have beers.-- Have a nice dinner. -- Thanks!Wait, she says. Do I know you from somewhere?I answer: Do you hang out at the library?Such is my life, but if you've gotta hang out in one place, it might as

another friday night except

2005-03-12T00:36:00.000-08:00

another friday nightanother snow stormexcept this time I found tulips on the streetthere were four of them, and another that hadn't yet floweredfollowing tradition, I separated them into odd quantitiesI took them home on the subway with mejust me, my umbrella, my backpack, my purse, and my tulipssome foreigners drunkenly asked me where I got them fromI replied, I found them on the streetand we

nyc subways

2005-02-14T11:08:00.000-08:00

This afternoon, ascending from the subway, I heard a distinct melody. After a moment of confusion, I placed it: "Hava Nagilah" being played on a xylophone by a subway performer.

why i don't go out on weekends

2005-02-05T21:41:00.000-08:00

another exciting saturday night in new york fucking city. Out of a sense of responsibility, I went to a bar in the e.vil to meet a friend. This particular bar, aparently, is uberhip. It wasn't that hip when it opened two years ago. My friend and I were the only patrons on a weekday at happy hour. Tonight you couldn't get past the bouncer because the place was filled to capacity. When we finally

crazies vs. sanies

2005-01-28T05:15:00.000-08:00

I'm reading this book which is a memoir of a guy who lives in New York, and he's describing one scene when he's walking down Perry Street in the West Village, and a man in a wheelchair requests his help.He's old and frail looking, and he needs someone to help him get upstairs to his apartment. He can't use his feet, so he asks the author to carry him up the stairs. This is sounding really

encouters on the subway

2005-01-26T22:38:00.000-08:00

I was taking the train home but it was broken, so I got off to take the bus. The time was circa 3 am, and I walked to the turnstyle behind some too-cool people: yes, it was at Broadway Lafayette in soho. There was a guy at the turnstyle (the tall variety) who asked me to swipe him through. I obliged, of course, and as he was walking through, he turned, ostensibly to thank me, and stopped. "Are

questionnaire

2005-01-21T18:04:00.000-08:00

Your name: _______ ___________Your sweetheart's name: None at the momentHow you first met: Let's see... I was an embryo in my mother's womb when I first understood that I am a human being.How old were you: about 0What year was it: 1979How did you feel about each other: I thought, hey, if this birth thing works out, I'll check out the world.How did you break up: Well, luckily, I was born with no